For a day or two I want my spirit to come out of my body and watch me while I still live, so that I understand who other people think I am and how I live my life from their perspective. Because I am not sure of who I am from the inside and I don't know if I'm good or bad, kind or unkind, intelligent or stupid, ambitious or lazy, and useful or useless to the people around me. I am very curious about who people think I am and what they take me for and I honestly want to know me from the outside.
Sometimes when I'm lonely my mind gets blank; to the extent that I absolutely have nothing to think about no matter how hard I try. Nothing comes up even when I cast my mind over family, friends, and the future. But thoughts of regrets and reminders of things I should've done rush up in my head as soon as I dare to think about the past. Sometimes when I'm lonely my mind gets blank; to the extent that I'm even unable to follow the theme of any story book that I pick up to read or understand any message on my phone. No matter how hard I try. I totally lose focus as the alphabets dance right before my nose to the song that is playing in my earphones. And after I wake from a nap, one that I've tried hard to get, I become lonely again and my mind gets blank; to the extend that I gladly don't care about anything. I'd lie down anywhere in the room without conscience and let my soul wander for compassion in space and infinity.